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This is something I'm grappling with. I've been cheated on and cheated but they were all regular relationships, not in a marriage. I've been married for 15 years & only a small part of those years happily. It's been years since we have had sex & when we did it's never been the passionate type that I crave. It's always been okay but not what I want. I want someone that is in sync with what I want & even though we'd talked about it in the past it never moved beyond mediocre. I've had incredible sex in the past & miss that. There is someone in my circle of friends that is so messy but I know the sex would be amazing. I guess as in your story but in the opposite direction I'm allowing myself to be groomed towards it. I haven't shut down the possibility. I know I should get divorced since not only are we incompatible in sex but most of the other parts of our marriage as well. It's tricky trying to navigate that & something that's going to be difficult to do for many reasons. But oh how I long to be desired & that non-stop arousal & let's not forget the being persued. I want hot sex again & it's ready & willing in front of me.

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I really relate. It has to be on your timeline and comfort level but I often wish someone had told me when I was feeling the same feelings as you that it doesn’t get better….it just keeps getting worse. To me this is less about the hot sex in front of you (that will only complicate the marriage), but getting to a place where you feel you deserve the love and intimacy you crave in an authentic way.

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