Let’s talk about dating apps! (I loved my time on them!) Share your questions, frustrations, and swiping concerns with me and I will tackle them head on, in the next Ask Atoosa version of Unedited. This Sunday’s Unedited will also get into my own adventures and misadventures in dating app-ville .🤍🖤❤️
Teach me how to love dating! It’s so exhausting, even when I’ve stopped getting my hopes up like I used to. A drain on my time, energy and money. I recognize it as a necessary process but I’m really over it. I was with my ex-husband for all of my 20s, so starting at 30 was my first time really dating, ever. Tell me how I can enjoy this!
Jess G here! I've been on apps ever since getting divorced 5 years ago. A few relationships with very not ready, not open men, and I've found that's an overarching issue. I have worked on my issues, am honest, open, a good listener, and many men online that I videochat, meet and even date are just not...there. They are still stuck in their divorce drama even if it's long over, want to put their own wants and needs first, aren't open to a two-way street dating mentality, all on their own clock. This isn't a sob story, just my experience. Also challenged by many men in later 40s and early 50s saying pretty explicitly that they are looking for much younger women-not necessarily to have kids with, but because it is 'gratifying'. These are men that seem like good matches, funny, smart and active. Not something I can do much about! I have kept up the efforts but managed expectations.
I completely agree that dating apps are entirely about your attitude. If you can’t have a good vibe about them, then don’t be on them until you can. Nothing is worse than meeting someone on a dating app that acts “above” the app you are both already on. There is no shame in utilizing all the tools at your disposal to meet new people. I would font-load heavy expectations onto app dates when I first started using them. But then I began to view them as a window into someone else’s world — and that became my only expectation. when I found myself feeling jaded or fatigued, I would step away until I had the energy to devote to meeting someone new, and I let myself have that space. I didn’t ultimately end up meeting my current partner on an app, but I do believe the apps made my dating muscles strong: my conversation skills and curiosity didn’t atrophy and I was much more relaxed and easier to approach because I wasn’t projecting a happy ending on him from the get. I also think apps aren’t for everyone. If you’re not someone who is invigorated by exploration then apps are going to be a zero sum game for you, and that’s totally okay — no need to be defeatist or be hard on yourself about it. If your energy for dating is finite, then channel it into whatever you CAN have a good attitude about doing: sitting at your fav restaurant bar solo, joining a new club/social group, letting friends know you’d like to be set up, etc. Chase the thing that makes you feel good and see if a partner reveals themself inside of THAT. And you might be dating for awhile, just because it doesn’t click after six months or a year or five years doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel on yourself. Stay with yourself, date yourself, speak kindly to her, love her, create the life you want, and view a partner as a bonus, not a necessity. At some point, the right person will appear — and they won’t make you happy. You’ll already be happy. They’ll just make you happiER. That’s been my experience, at least. So If swiping right makes you feel like shit, don’t do it. Because it’s never going to work for you if you can’t arrive with some positive vibes, curiosity, and absolutely zero expectations.
I was on dating apps from late 20s till late 30s, towards my 40s I was over them and the last three years I didn't have the emotional headspace nor Juju to be on them. I just turned 43 a week ago. I had some flashbacks of dating apps and thought to myself I know better now...but find it not interesting to go back on them as I don't want to waste time and don't want to complicate my life with those that only want coitus. I want to meet someone in the wild iso of the long chat/seeing the sparks (if any) etc. Corona didn't help so the early 40s either - hahah
I would love! To know how you got off these APPS so quick! What’s your secret??? 45 Single, pretty cool, got my stuff together, no baggage, but I have zero luck, very few matches and the dates I do go on lead nowhere. Well they lead to right into a black hole:)
Love this idea! 33, perpetually single. I clam up and don’t know how to navigate the apps and just want to find my person. Regular friendships? No problem. Dating? Let me be awkward and avoid it and I’m almost 34. Also hate that you get judged by how you look and communicate on an app!
I was on dating apps from 23-33! Frustrations are generating a connection solely from physical attraction and then trying to make an emotional one in person almost like if the guy got me on the date he was assuming I was DTF.
And from 23-30 I was a virgin, so once the dudes realized I wasn’t going to sleep with them it fell off every time.
I gave up on them. Anyone else having a good time on them? Should I try again?
Teach me how to love dating! It’s so exhausting, even when I’ve stopped getting my hopes up like I used to. A drain on my time, energy and money. I recognize it as a necessary process but I’m really over it. I was with my ex-husband for all of my 20s, so starting at 30 was my first time really dating, ever. Tell me how I can enjoy this!
Jess G here! I've been on apps ever since getting divorced 5 years ago. A few relationships with very not ready, not open men, and I've found that's an overarching issue. I have worked on my issues, am honest, open, a good listener, and many men online that I videochat, meet and even date are just not...there. They are still stuck in their divorce drama even if it's long over, want to put their own wants and needs first, aren't open to a two-way street dating mentality, all on their own clock. This isn't a sob story, just my experience. Also challenged by many men in later 40s and early 50s saying pretty explicitly that they are looking for much younger women-not necessarily to have kids with, but because it is 'gratifying'. These are men that seem like good matches, funny, smart and active. Not something I can do much about! I have kept up the efforts but managed expectations.
I completely agree that dating apps are entirely about your attitude. If you can’t have a good vibe about them, then don’t be on them until you can. Nothing is worse than meeting someone on a dating app that acts “above” the app you are both already on. There is no shame in utilizing all the tools at your disposal to meet new people. I would font-load heavy expectations onto app dates when I first started using them. But then I began to view them as a window into someone else’s world — and that became my only expectation. when I found myself feeling jaded or fatigued, I would step away until I had the energy to devote to meeting someone new, and I let myself have that space. I didn’t ultimately end up meeting my current partner on an app, but I do believe the apps made my dating muscles strong: my conversation skills and curiosity didn’t atrophy and I was much more relaxed and easier to approach because I wasn’t projecting a happy ending on him from the get. I also think apps aren’t for everyone. If you’re not someone who is invigorated by exploration then apps are going to be a zero sum game for you, and that’s totally okay — no need to be defeatist or be hard on yourself about it. If your energy for dating is finite, then channel it into whatever you CAN have a good attitude about doing: sitting at your fav restaurant bar solo, joining a new club/social group, letting friends know you’d like to be set up, etc. Chase the thing that makes you feel good and see if a partner reveals themself inside of THAT. And you might be dating for awhile, just because it doesn’t click after six months or a year or five years doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel on yourself. Stay with yourself, date yourself, speak kindly to her, love her, create the life you want, and view a partner as a bonus, not a necessity. At some point, the right person will appear — and they won’t make you happy. You’ll already be happy. They’ll just make you happiER. That’s been my experience, at least. So If swiping right makes you feel like shit, don’t do it. Because it’s never going to work for you if you can’t arrive with some positive vibes, curiosity, and absolutely zero expectations.
I was on dating apps from late 20s till late 30s, towards my 40s I was over them and the last three years I didn't have the emotional headspace nor Juju to be on them. I just turned 43 a week ago. I had some flashbacks of dating apps and thought to myself I know better now...but find it not interesting to go back on them as I don't want to waste time and don't want to complicate my life with those that only want coitus. I want to meet someone in the wild iso of the long chat/seeing the sparks (if any) etc. Corona didn't help so the early 40s either - hahah
I would love! To know how you got off these APPS so quick! What’s your secret??? 45 Single, pretty cool, got my stuff together, no baggage, but I have zero luck, very few matches and the dates I do go on lead nowhere. Well they lead to right into a black hole:)
Love this idea! 33, perpetually single. I clam up and don’t know how to navigate the apps and just want to find my person. Regular friendships? No problem. Dating? Let me be awkward and avoid it and I’m almost 34. Also hate that you get judged by how you look and communicate on an app!
I was on dating apps from 23-33! Frustrations are generating a connection solely from physical attraction and then trying to make an emotional one in person almost like if the guy got me on the date he was assuming I was DTF.
And from 23-30 I was a virgin, so once the dudes realized I wasn’t going to sleep with them it fell off every time.
I gave up on them. Anyone else having a good time on them? Should I try again?
Julie - same situation here. Literally. It’s so hard.